Everyone around me seems to be talking about what they’ll be asking Santa to bring them for Christmas so I decided to write you a letter (even though, as you know, I talk to you every day.) Changing one letter in his name won’t make me fall for Satan’s dirty tricks. I know that your birthday is the real reason for Christmas.
I love this time of year. The decorations and lights make this ugly city so much more beautiful and everyone is in such a good mood! The city is also so much safer with all the increased security and the cold weather that pushes the homeless people to other places. I wish it was like this all year.
The other reason I love this time of year is that Halloween is finally over. It’s such an ungodly time. Everywhere I look there are obvious and subtle idols to Satan and his minions. So many kids and parents have been fooled into reading or watching the evils of Harry Potter and The Hunger Games that it makes me want to cry. They will find no hope in such witchcraft and violence.
It can also be quite an anxious time for my brothers and sisters in Christ as our usually peaceful neighbourhoods are filled with costumed strangers going door to door asking for handouts. We’re so blessed to have a pastor who thinks outside the box and was able to offer us a godly alternative! Instead of participating in our society's celebration of darkness, we attended a ‘Hallelujah Party’ in church! It was so sweet to see all our kids and teens dressed as Bible characters like David, Noah and Paul. (2 Samuel 11:2-4, Genesis 9:21, Acts 8:1-3)They know so much more about being role models of sacrificial love than Harry Potter or Katniss Everdeen!
Now that it’s finally over, I can stop worrying about people knocking on my door and asking for stuff and focus on the heart of Christmas. Sadly, not even all Christians understand its meaning. All over our city I see so many Christians who have misunderstood the Gospel. They try so hard to work their way into Heaven with their canned food drives, Christmas shoeboxes and homeless shelters. Don’t they know that you are not impressed with our ‘good’ deeds? Don’t they know that no one is good except you? (Mark 10:18) Have they forgotten that our righteous acts are like filthy rags in your presence? (Isaiah 64:6) It’s like they don’t realise that physical needs are unimportant. All that matters is our spiritual salvation. That’s why I never tip. I give people tracts that look like money instead! It’s sad that they’ll be so focused on their physical needs that they’ll initially feel disappointed when they pick it up … but their sorrow will turn to eternal joy when they realise that I have shared something so much greater with them! What a blessing for them. I hope that the purity of my witness will help them (and those misled 'Christians') to realise that our earthy needs are nothing in comparison to our spiritual needs.
Thank you for all your provision for my family and I this year. What a blessing to receive a promotion in work and a new car in just six months! Please continue to provide for us over the Christmas period as my parents are unsure if they’ll be able to get me an iPad Air and an iPhone 5S. They want me to choose but I’m just not sure which one I need more. I’m so glad to know that these good and perfect gifts are not from Santa but from you!
⬆︎ This is satire. ⬆︎